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Lies I've Told That People Actually Believed

1. Looking directly into a photocopier lamp will permanently damage your vision.

2. Emperor Penguins can reach five feet in height and will shit on you if you don’t kiss one of their wings.

3. After the hit “Arthur’s Theme”, Christopher Cross became a commercial pilot so that he could actually be “caught between the moon and New York City”.

4. Frankenstein was based on a true story.

5. Baby oil from China is made from actual babies (roughly two and-a-half to the bottle, and always girls).

6. All rotating members of The Three Stooges were members of Mensa.

7. The Germans invented swearing.

8. The French claim to have invented swearing.

9. I’ve had sex with three famous women.

10. I’ve had sex.

11. Robin Williams is shorter than an Emperor Penguin.

12. Scent of a Woman? Awesome movie.

13. Deathbed confessions are only admissible in a court of law if the accused is in his/her own bed.

14. Chili powder is a gateway spice.

15. Dogs know over four hundred words but only admit to knowing one hundred.

16. Scientology’s OT Level 8, advertised as the highest level of enlightenment, is just the beginning.

17. George W. Bush served with distinction in the military.

18. Stephen Harper is not a robot: he’s a cyborg and there’s a big difference.

19. One time, Ayn Rand wrote a good book.

20. Patience will allow the training of good table manners to raccoons.

21. All useful lists end on an even number.